I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
