The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
