I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
