Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
it's like iHOP with fire
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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