This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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