you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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