I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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