Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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