You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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