i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
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I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
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BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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