I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
