good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
pop tarts are not kleenex
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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