Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
