the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
