I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
