Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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