I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
