Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
