even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
