Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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