Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
