So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Soap is not a condiment
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
