how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
