have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
