I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
