so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
