The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
