I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
