All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
