ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
