im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
