i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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