On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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