I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
