Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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