you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
