Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i came on her dog
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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