I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
