P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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