The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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