your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Congratulations! We have a period
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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