There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
