He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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