i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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