Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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