can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
