It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it hurts more in the daytime
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
