Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
