I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
