When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We have started to decorate penises.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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