My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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