im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
