I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
