Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize