Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
