I should be sponsored by Trojan
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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