i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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