the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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