Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
God, I missed his penis.
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