do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
