That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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