He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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