i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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