u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
