I want to stick my p in your. b.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
