I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
