I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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