I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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