mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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