We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
